How To Bring Back The Spark

Fiona Gibson, author of Mummy Said The F-word, tells you How To Bring Back The Spark

- Fiona Gibson

Bickering over who does the most. Blaming each other for simmering stress levels. Wondering where your libido has wandered off to — and whether you’ll ever have the energy to find it. Being new parents can send shockwaves through your relationship until you worry you’ll never feel the same about each other again. “Having a baby changes a couple profoundly,” says Cathy O’Neill, co-author of Baby-Proofing Your Marriage. “It’s upsetting because we think parenthood will bring us closer together. You’ll feel annoyed because your other half has failed to live up to your expectations. And he’ll be irritated with you because you want everything done perfectly,” she says. Add to this the brain-crushing exhaustion you’re both experiencing, you might have a volatile situation. Yet it is possible to regain that intimacy — even be closer than ever. Here are some common relationship gripes, with tips on how to bring back that loving feeling.

‘He doesn’t lift a finger’

As a new mum, I used to obsess over the division of chores. Once, I yelled to my husband that I’d been up and down the stairs 41 times in one day (yes, I’d actually counted). Finally, when our twins were toddlers, it occurred to me that I had to ask him to pitch in, that he wouldn’t pick up on my telepathic messages, which were clearly screaming, ‘Do the damn dishes!’