Grace Under Pressure

Being a Brit abroad affords you some perspective on South Africa

- Lizzie Harrison

My mum regularly calls from England to inform me of the latest infraction of a rogue neighbour, or the ‘scandal’ doing the rounds at The Cock and Bear. When living in England, I could take these things seriously. Now, I really struggle.

The mothership phones to tell me that ‘a non-permit holder’ has parked on her street to walk into town to – shock, horror – avoid paying two pounds to park in a public carpark. She calls me to tell me that Brian took a tight turn on the drive, and obliviously ran a tyre over the edge of her lawn. She WhatsApps to inform me (once the predictive text has been translated) that Marks and Spencer had run out of the chicken meal when she got there at – prepare yourselves – 10am. The trauma is too much and she is genuinely horrified.