What Does Your Child See?

Children learn from what parents do – not what they say. This means that your everyday behaviour is your child’s most powerful life lesson, say parenting experts.

- Francoise Gallet

As their first point of contact with the real world, children model themselves on their parents and caregivers.

So, children will imitate different aspects of your behaviour at varying ages and stages. “If I react in anger and curse an unsafe taxi driver, my toddler is learning swear words as well as to shout at and insult people when angry,” explains Carmen de Vos, senior social worker at The Parent Centre. “Or if I continually slap my child’s hand when playing with something they shouldn’t, they might start slapping other children when they want certain toys at crèche,” she adds.

THE “SIDE EFFECTS”

When children model parental behaviour, they have learnt that this is a ‘normal’ way to act. But, how you behave in the presence of your children has many different implications. In part, this is because children haven’t yet developed the cognitive ability, thinking skills and emotional intelligence to make sense of adult behaviour. Plus, each child is unique. One might model daddy’s aggressive behaviour while another becomes fearful and anxious. Instead of simply repeating your slurs, your child might hear you bad-mouthing your partner and take those messages to heart, believing that they are unlovable, explains Carmen.

SELF-CONTROL IS DISCIPLINE