We are all, at some point, guilty of not being able to do justice to our words when dealing with people with mental and psychological difficulties. Dr. Fabian Saarloos, Clinical & Health Psychologist at Al Harub Medical Centre, guides us on how to tread lightly with our words when dealing with someone who is mentally ill.
Talking about emotions is not as easy as it sounds, and talking about emotional problems or troubling thoughts may be even frightening. People can be very reluctant when it comes to addressing psychological issues, even when sharing them with their family and friends. Fear of stigma or discrimination may be one reason. Although your reactions to someone you care for may be well meant and supposed to distract or cheer up that person, it may not necessarily be the response someone with psychological problems may expect. He/she may actually feel that you have not really listened and understood him/her, and thus feel even more frustrated or rejected. Here are some common things you should avoid saying when dealing with someone who is troubled by psychological problems.
1. “I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!”
It is commendable that you’re trying to show someone who is dealing with psychological problems that you care and understand him/ her. Sympathy and compassion surely are very comforting, however, they do not change the problem. It shows that you support him/her, but when followed by stories and advices from your own experience, it also could give the other the impression that you “know better”. Considering that everyone has his own unique background and ways of experiencing the world, we can never feel “exactly” what others may feel. The other may well feel understood, but he/she will find it difficult to identify with you and may feel rejected. What you can do is trying to really understand, to respect and appreciate the other with his unique thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Ask him/her questions about the troubling experiences, and try to compare and contrast them with yours.
2. “IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!”
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