How I stopped being A PEOPLE PLEASER

Niki Kinsella had spent her whole life trying to keep on the good side of others, but something had to change

- FRANCES LEATE

They say us Brits are great at saying sorry, even when we haven’t done anything wrong, and up until recently, that was the story of my life. I was always apologising for something I thought I’d done wrong and going out of my way to make the people I cared about happy, even if that meant doing things I didn’t want to do.

My mum Jan was a single parent, so I spent a lot of time being cared for by my nan June, and while sometimes she could be a wonderful person to be around, showering me with affection, helping me paint, draw and bake cakes, she also had another side to her that would leave me doubting myself.

I’d be chattering away to her about my day at school and I could mention something as simple as how I wanted my hair cut shorter. And in a second, Nan’s whole demeanour would change, erupting into anger and hatred. ‘That’s a stupid thing to say,’ she’d bellow. She’d shout at me for so long, reeling offa long list of my faults. I hated myself for saying the wrong thing, believing that I was all the things she’d told me I was – selfish, silly and stupid. Eventually, though, she’d scoop me up in her arms and give me a big kiss, and tell me how much she loved me. Being back in her good books was a huge relief, and despite Nan’s random outbursts, she could be so caring. Whenever I was ill, she’d put her hand gently on mine and smile. ‘We’ve got magic hands, can you feel the warmth?’ she’d say to me.