Loving Our Children For Who They Really Are

As the transgender community continue to fight for civil rights and wider acceptance, two mums share how they helped their children through their transition

- Emma Elms, Rachel Tompkins

‘I FELT GUILTY I’D NOT REALISED SOONER’

Caroline Martin, 62, is from Lincolnshire. As soon as he started school, my little boy changed from being happy and carefree to quiet and withdrawn. He would cry at night and be in sheer terror whenever the school holidays ended. I’d ask him what was wrong, but he’d never say. He was friendly with a little girl from up the road but never had many friends.

In secondary school, whenever I asked how his day was, he’d just mumble that it was fine. He was always playing on his computer. I’d say, ‘Are you happy?’ and he’d reply, ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m all right, Mum.’ Even at his graduation ceremony at university, he’d barely let me take a photo.

Finally, at 22, in March 2015, while my husband Dave was out playing snooker, my lovely son walked into my bedroom in utter turmoil. Wringing his hands, he sat at the end of my bed and could barely get the words out. ‘Mum,’ he began. ‘I want to be a woman, I’m a woman inside and I have to do something to change the rest of my life.’

I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. I felt so guilty he’d been through this all alone. I love him so much and felt so sad thinking, ‘Why didn’t I realise this sooner so I could have helped?’

He told me, ‘I’ve seen specialists and psychiatrists who’ve diagnosed me with gender dysphoria. I’ve been like this since I started school.’ Everything suddenly fell into place.