My son told me he WANTED TO DIE

Shani Stocker was desperate to find an answer for her little boy’s terrifying behaviour...

- ANNA MATHESON AND LUCY 

As a single, mum of five, I know that I don’t need to panic over every tiny sniffle, scraped knee or temper tantrum. But everything I thought I knew about motherhood has been tested in the last few years after my son, Ellis, fell ill. What started as a screaming match here and there turned into something so much more severe, traumatising our family for months.

After starting school at the age of five, Ellis settled in quickly. I felt so proud every time his teachers told me how polite and kind he was. He loved maths and was gifted at sports too, football being his favourite. But towards the summer of his first year, he got poorly with tonsillitis.

He struggled to speak and had swollen glands. When one round of antibiotics didn’t clear it, the doctor prescribed another course, and then another.

Living with a monster

By the school holidays that year, Ellis seemed to be feeling better. But soon, his behaviour started to change. At first it was just small things – he hated being told no. But soon even just telling him it was bedtime would leave him screaming. Ellis’ meltdowns kept happening. He’d have several a day, and trying to reason with him didn’t help. It was as though in the space of a few weeks, my kind and helpful little boy had disappeared.

Over the next six months, as Ellis became more unrecognisable, it was like living with a monster. One evening, as I was picking the kids up from school, Ellis began screaming for no reason. He threw his shoes at me, and punched and kicked his youngest sister, two, who was sat next to him. I drove to the police station and parked outside, and told him he’d be told off for his behaviour but he still didn’t listen, yelling at the top of his voice.