Rummaging through my wardrobe, I tried to find something to wear. It was March 2009 and, although I had plenty of tight-fitting dresses that would be perfect for my 50th birthday, none would flatter my figure. The only thing I was left with was yet another unflattering, baggy black number.
‘You look beautiful,’ my daughter, Maddie, then eight, said when she saw me, and I gave her a weak smile. In my mind, there was no way that could be true – at 15st and a size 20, I felt enormous, and no amount of black fabric could hide that.
For as long as I could remember, I’d always had an unhealthy relationship with food. At school, I was used to being one of the bigger girls, and often turned to sweet treats on both good and bad days, something that stayed with me into adulthood. I tried to diet here and there, losing enough weight to squeeze into a size 12, but it wasn't long before I’d give up again.
Love handles
Even when I met Karl, at age 39, in 1998, I was still battling with my relationship with food. On our wedding day, in November 1999, I was a size 18 and didn’t feel like a beautiful bride at all. While I’d fixate on my love handles or jiggling thighs in the mirror, Karl, then 35, would just wrap his arms around me.
‘You’re perfect to me,’ he said. I only wished I could feel it, too. Our daughter, Maddie, arrived in May 2000, a few months after the wedding, which is when my weight really got out of control. By now, my wardrobe had been through as many changes as my body, with its range of sizes expanding at the same rate as my waistline. In fact, I had so much stuff that some of it was stuffed into black bin bags, labelled ‘skinny’ or ‘fat’ clothes.
Denne historien er fra April 13, 2020-utgaven av WOMAN'S OWN.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent ? Logg på
Denne historien er fra April 13, 2020-utgaven av WOMAN'S OWN.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
FAST & THRIFTY DINNERS
Filling family meals to save you time and money
ARE VIRAL FITNESS TRENDS WORTH THE HYPE?
Keen to know if the workouts she sees online can actually make her fitter, Rachel Tompkins, 44, gives them a try
GO OUT OF SEASON
While some European cities seem to go into hibernation over winter, others just get better in the colder months
MY LIFE IN MUSIC
Monica Cafferky, 55, reveals how certain tunes bring back special memories
THE DECISION THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
After trying diets without success, Breanne Concannon, 31, was left feeling hopeless
MY TOY ΒΟΥ KEEPS ME YOUNG
For Trish Hughes, 44, the thrills of being married to a man 20 years younger is worth all the judgement
'THAT'S NOT MY BABY'
Lying in the hospital bed, my husband Michael had tears of happiness in his eyes as he showed me a photo on his phone. 'Here she is,' he said proudly. 'This is our beautiful baby girl.'I stared at the photo and shook my head. 'No, that's not my baby,' I said. 'There must be a mistake.'It was August 2010 and I'd not long before had an emergency caesarean. I'd not had a chance to see Winnie when she arrived as she'd been whisked away for tests because she was nearly two months premature.
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
Hayley, 45, has her son to thank for crucial evidence
'I'D LOVE TO DO EASTENDERS'
Loose Women's Linda Robson on the daytime show, dating and her next career move
Beckhams INSIDE THEIR PROPERTY EMPIRE
We take a look at the power couple's posh pads