The Agony Never Eases

It’s 17 years since Sarah Payne was murdered. Here, her mother Sara, 48, explains how she’s still suffering.

- Anna Verdon

The summer months should be a happy time. With the sun shining, children eating ice creams and families off on their holidays, everywhere you go people are smiling. But for me, this time of year is tinged with a painful and blinding sadness. Because it was on a summer’s day 17 years ago that my daughter Sarah was snatched and murdered, 17 years since our world was turned upside down. People say time is a healer, but for me and my family the grief is still so very raw…

It was 1 July, 2000 when Sarah, eight, went missing. We’d been visiting my husband Michael’s parents on the coast in Kingston Gorse, West Sussex, and after dinner Michael, his dad and I had decided to walk off our sheherd’s pie. Sarah and her big brothers Lee, then 13, and Luke, 11, and little sister Charlotte, four, wanted to play on the beach and as my mother-in-law was staying at home I reasoned they’d be fine.

‘OK,’ I said. ‘Make sure you stay together.’ And with that, we left.

Only, when we got back everyone was frantic. Instead of staying on the beach, the four children had gone to a nearby field. Sarah had fallen over and run back to the house. Lee had run after her, but by the time he’d got to the corner of the field she’d gone. No one had seen her since.

‘She’s probably just got lost on her way back,’ I said. After all, it wasn’t in Sarah’s nature to run off. Michael and I searched the village and knocked on doors. But 30 minutes later there was still no sign of her.

Numb with shock

Calling the police, I told them what had happened. And, as the hours passed, I kept thinking Sarah would walk through the door. I imagined how I’d pull her into my arms before telling her off for scaring us. But the hours turned into days.