The noise in my head nearly destroyed me

For Liz Wilde, a shocking accident was the first in a series of traumatic events

- LIZ WILDE

Although I have always been a naturally optimistic person, one evening two years ago I found myself saying to my partner in a calm, matter-of-fact voice, ‘If nothing has changed in six months, I’m going to have to kill myself.’ I was referring to the tinnitus sound in my ears – an internal wind tunnel that constantly blew through my head.

The Ear, Nose and Throat consultant had blamed stress and said the noise would lessen if I stopped listening for it.

Unfortunately, my brain had become so alert to even the most innocuous threat, I could have heard a pin dropin the next room. Something fundamental had changed in my personality. I have worked as a life coach for almost 20 years, helping clients navigate through difficult times. My profession is to problem-solve. I had always prided myself on being able to rebound from life’s challenges, but the previous four months had drained my resources dry.

Where it began

It all started when I was searching for a light switch at night in an unfamiliar rental house. I lost my bearings and tumbled down 18 steep stairs, shattering my left elbow on impact. While I was having elbow-replacement surgery, my 87-yearold father also had a fall and was taken to hospital. I was discharged a week later,​ only to discover the true extent of my injuries once my morphine bubble burst. Every muscle in my body ached, and I counted the hours before I could take my next assortment of painkillers. My father was still in hospital with complications. Three weeks later, I received a phone call telling me to come immediately. They were turning off his life support. The last time I saw my father alive is lost to me in a blur of tramadol and tears.