‘I Was Too Big To Go On Holiday'

Fiona Quarterman, 49, had to turn down the trip of her dreams because she couldn’t face the embarrassment

- Frances Leate

As I looked at my husband, Michael, then 52, quizzically, he gazed back at me with an eager expression on his face.

‘I think you need cheering up,’ he grinned, pulling me in for a hug. It was December 2017, and that was a huge understatement. It had been a difficult couple of years, after months of misery with mysterious pains in my joints and muscles I’d recently been diagnosed with a connective tissue disease.

I had to give myself weekly injections of chemotherapy and take a lot of medication to ease the pain – and although it was making a difference, I’d been struggling to cope at my job as a special needs teacher, as well as looking after my youngest son, Mikey, then 12.

Dream holiday

‘What are you thinking about?’ I asked, smiling up at Michael as I did so.

‘I wanted to treat you to a trip to Iceland to see the Northern lights,’ Michael beamed.

‘Wow!’ I gasped, ‘I’d snack on endless slices of toast all day’ overwhelmed by his kind gesture. I was a keen photographer and had always wanted to go to Iceland, the thought of a trip there was thrilling.

But, just as I was about to agree, I gulped.

‘Let me have a think,’ I smiled weakly, as my mind started to go through all the things I’d need to do to get there.

Getting through security, walking up the rickety set of stairs to the plane and sitting on the flight for a few hours...

That might not seem like a huge price to pay for the trip of a lifetime to some people, but to me, it seemed like a huge undertaking and one that could potentially be very humiliating – because at just 5ft 6in I weighed a whopping 20th and was a dress size 28.