THE POWER OF PROPER PILLOW TALK

YOUR SEX LIFE DOESN’T NEED TO SLOW DOWN AS YOU GET OLDER. SEXUAL HEALTH AUTHOR CLIO WOOD REVEALS THE BEST WAY TO GET YOUR MOJO BACK

- CLIO WOOD

Hot flushes, anxiety, brain fog – many women will be nodding their heads and mentally ticking off these common perimenopausal symptoms one by one as the physical and mental changes are still very real or a not-so-dim-and-distant memory. Thanks to the likes of Davina McCall, Andrea McLean, and even former First Lady Michelle Obama, the menopause is no longer a taboo topic. But there’s still one issue that isn’t widely discussed: loss of libido.

In a study published in the medical journal Menopause in 2019, 30% of women aged 50-74 said their sex lives had come to a halt because they had “no interest”. And it’s now believed that a woman’s sex drive, in fact, decreases after the age 40 – that’s usually some years before the average age menopause is reached.

Add in the stress and mental load of running a house, a family, and a career – plus perhaps caring for older relatives or adult children – and it’s not surprising we have little headspace left for nurturing our relationships at a time in our lives when self-care would be most beneficial.

When you’ve been with the same partner for a long time, pillow talk usually centres on whose turn it is to put the bins out rather than whispering sweet, sensual nothings in each other’s ears. While some women end up closing the mental door to sex, those who are still getting intimate tend to rely on gestures and wordless noises to encourage – or discourage – their partners in the bedroom, instead of clear direction. Women would often rather murmur and moan, and hope that their partner gets it right, than say the actual words or give instructions and risk giving offence.