BJ PASCUAL

The renowned photographer steps in front of the camera and gets real about the self-expression, transformation, and beauty for all

- MIA CASTRO

"Would I have been a lot more successful if I started accepting myself earlier?" This is a question that often lingers at the back of BJ Pascual's mind. It may seem ironic to come from the 34-year-old photographer whose work is on magazine covers, billboards, and ads for major brands all over the Philippines. If you would ask most top celebrities and models today who they dream to work with, his name would most likely be one of their answers.

But during the beginning stages of his career, the lensman reveals that he had always concealed a part of himself: he never smiled in photos because he hated his teeth, which led to a preconceived idea of who he was; he only wore masculine silhouettes; and he was prone to losing himself in creative projects.

"In the early 2010s when I was young, the view of the people wasn't as progressive, including myself when it comes to sexual orientation and gender expression," Pascual shares. "The masculine presentation is what was accepted at that time." He recalls feeling conscious of his own voice, an effect of internalized homophobia after being called out on social media for acting or sounding too gay. "Even though I loved myself in real life, I wouldn't post videos online because people would still comment that I sound so gay. It was a time that I really hated my voice," he admits.

Unlearning the patriarchal ways of thinking and hyper-masculine ideals was a slow and conscious process for Pascual. But since he started working in the fashion industry, where the LGBTQIA+ community is celebrated, he found a safe space to grow into his queer i identity. This inspired him to dedicate his platform to challenging the status quo. "Once I started being active with my advocacies, I became more comfortable with myself," he says. "I would also get messages from little gays saying I inspired them. I guess social media hurt me at the beginning, but it also helped me learn to accept myself."