Growing up, I was always aware of my body. I had hypermobility which often left me in pain, so I could never run around like my seven brothers and sisters did. They were all much slimmer than me, though I tried my best to accept my body as it was, even wearing short skirts that showed off my legs like my friends did. However, I was always self-conscious.
Quiet and reserved, at school I was a target for bullies. They made comments about my thick legs and I tried to ignore them, my face burning. Afterwards, I stopped eating for days on end, telling myself it was the only thing that I could control.
Bingeing and depression
When I did allow myself to eat, I binged. My relationship with food was completely skewed and my weight yo-yoed as a result. At 17, I fell pregnant. I started the pregnancy as a size 12, but after nine months of guzzling down fizzy pop when my daughter Nikita was born in September 1991, I’d gained 10st. I felt awful. Putting myself on a strict diet, I managed to lose 8st, but I still felt low and was diagnosed with depression.
Over the next 10 years, I had two more children – Conner in July 1996, and Morgan in July 2001. With each pregnancy, I gained 10st – I’d lose some of the weight and then gain it all back. My shapeless thighs were dimply and bigger than ever and my joints throbbed constantly.
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