A guide to modern table manners

Formal dining is no longer the minefield it once was. Annunciata Elwes identifies points of etiquette that have been dispatched, retained, revised and added

- Annunciata Elwes

Dispatched

Assisted seating 

Any woman who has had her knees clumsily banged against a table leg as a well-meaning neighbour repeatedly bashes a chair against her bottom will agree that the custom of helping the ladies into their seats can take a back seat. It’s polite to pull out a chair, but the guardsman’s habit of tucking in is only really appropriate for the aged or infirm.

Gender symmetry

With gender fluidity, same-sex or oppositesex couples, the traditional male/female placement makes table plans a little complex. What’s more, the idea that men will be happiest chatting only to women and vice versa is outdated; flirtation and good conversation do not discriminate. That said, never place couples next to each other. No one should be holding hands under the table— the goal is to socialise, make others feel comfortable and to be good company.

Arcane cutlery conventions

Debrett’s is full of bizarre advice, such as consuming a pear with a teaspoon and only ever eating asparagus with your hands (what about the buttery fingers?). The ‘correct’ usage of a soup spoon (ladled backwards) is another moot point. You’ll look like a purist and purists aren’t sexy. Nor are flying peas—pronging is a dangerous habit. When wielding cutlery, follow your better judgement.