RONALDO’S PERFECT BODY IS MAKING IT WORSE FOR THE REST OF US
Esquire Singapore|November 2022
As famous folks continue to defy their age on social media, the pressure is on for others to do the same, according to Neil Humphreys.
RONALDO’S PERFECT BODY IS MAKING IT WORSE FOR THE REST OF US

A week before writing this column, I found myself stealing glances at another man’s legs. They were tanned, muscular and perfect. My adoring gaze was part-homoerotic fantasy, part-exercise in self-loathing.

I wanted those legs. On me. Not in that way. I didn’t fancy the man. I envied

him. I wanted his bronzed limbs in place of the hairy twiglets that dangle beneath my Bermudas, like discarded appendages from Groot.

The legs belonged to Teddy Sheringham, a former Manchester United and England striker, now earning a good living as an after-dinner speaker and Benjamin Button impersonator.

He’s ageing backwards. He’s 56-going-on-46, capable of passing for a decade younger. When I shared photos of us sitting together during our recent interview, the responses were wearily predictable.  Doesn’t Teddy look well? He doesn’t seem to age, does he? Hasn’t he got lovely legs? It’s practically winking at me in those tight shorts.

And those were just the comments from my mother.

Once again, I was forced to ponder my physical peculiarities and the DNA cocktail that produced simian-like arms and legs, a kangaroo’s feet and a sausage roll for a torso. Growing up, I looked like the malnourished lovechild of Stephen Merchant and Olive Oyl.

The only defence mechanism at my disposal was self-deprecation, mocking my gangly appearance quickly, getting in the first verbal punch before anyone else did (thank God, I grew out of that painfully transparent attempt at social acceptance, eh?).

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FLERE HISTORIER FRA ESQUIRE SINGAPORESe alt
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Esquire Singapore

THE MILD HANGOVER

Hangovers get a bad rap. We know. If you’ve gotten this far in the magazine, you’ve surely divined that we’re mildly hungover most of the time.

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AN ELECTRIC FUTURE
Esquire Singapore

AN ELECTRIC FUTURE

Polestar, the minimalist electric Swedish car brand, turns the voltage up on its competition.

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LET'S GET REAL (ESTATE): LUXURIOUS LONDON
Esquire Singapore

LET'S GET REAL (ESTATE): LUXURIOUS LONDON

Royalty, shopping, the best tea and scones the world has to offer, and a lifestyle worthy of what you're working for. Here's why London is ripe for your next investment

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NEXT UP....ZARAN VACHHA
Esquire Singapore

NEXT UP....ZARAN VACHHA

As Co-founder of the events and talent agency Collective Minds and Managing Director of the Mandala Masters, Zaran Vachha is definitely not new to the culture scene, but he's certainly shaping what comes next.

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Esquire Singapore

WHAT I'VE LEARNED...

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Esquire Singapore

The Body Is a Language

A bad handshake is such a turnoff; we feel irked when someone rolls their eyes at us; we can't stop pacing when we're nervous-ever wondered how certain body language has the power to change how we feel instantly? We explore why.

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EYE OF THE TIGER
Esquire Singapore

EYE OF THE TIGER

Hailing from Singapore, Japan and Brazil respectively, Evolve Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) athletes Darren Goh, Hiroki Akimoto and Alex Silva are proof that the ring demands as much from mind as it does from matter.

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THE ADONIS COMPLEX
Esquire Singapore

THE ADONIS COMPLEX

With the rise of superhero culture making a return and bringing with it the celebration of the classically ‘masculine’ body type, can men really overcome the pressure to conform when culture keeps getting in the way?

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FUNNY BUT TRUE
Esquire Singapore

FUNNY BUT TRUE

A comedian, an iconic Singaporean, and now a man much evolved. After overcoming two years of pandemic limbo, unlocking career milestones one after another and undergoing a life-defining physical transformation, Rishi Budhrani is ready to emerge into the world renewed-and anew.

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LIKE NO OTHER
Esquire Singapore

LIKE NO OTHER

With its horological triumphs, Hermès has truly come into its own as a watchmaking maison. In this exclusive interview with Esquire Singapore, CEO of Hermès Horloger, Laurent Dordet sheds some light on his timepieces' rising stardom and the importance of being different.

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