How to STOP BEING SCARED of change

Instead of dreading 'the new', Debra Waters decided to find ways of embracing uncertainty and the unknown

I’m curious and determined to make the best of life, but I’m not the bravest person in my friendship group. Lately, in the midst of middle age, it has dawned on me – change and I are uneasy bedfellows.

In truth, I’m distrustful of – even superstitious about – change, and this has infiltrated most decisions I make, both big and small. BIG: It took seven years of careful consideration, spreadsheets and sleepless nights to move to a different city (just 80 km away and inhabited by friends). SMALL: My daily habits are so set in stone that I bore myself (same morning coffee, same jogging route, same lunch at the same cafe). But do I try something new? Nope. And if, for some reason, I have to alter my routine, my anxiety goes into overdrive. How did I become so change-averse?

One explanation is ‘better the devil you know’. Fear thrives on uncertain outcomes, after all. For instance, I work on an uncomfortable chair that hurts my back – changing it might make my back worse, but it could also make it better. More concerning are unhealthy relationships I hold on to, so as not to cause upset; or experiences I reject in case they disrupt my carefully curated life. Ironically, as I’ve become more comfortable and settled, rather than using this stability as a springboard to a more stimulating life, I’m more fearful than ever. Change can be inspiring and insightful. It enables us to adapt, learn and evolve, and it keeps boredom at bay. So why is it so damned scary?