Remember this? A thousand years ago, there was a telly game show called Deal or No R Deal. For some inexplicable reason, this was so popular it was franchised in countries around the world. It might have been the most boring game show in the history of game shows - other than the game show that has been the coalition negotiations.
In Deal or No Deal, if a contestant opted for a deal, one of the "briefcase beauties" - all dressed identically in sexy, spangled, cleavage-enhancing frocks would open her briefcase to reveal whether you had won a measly dollar, or, rarely, a million bucks. In the US, the show catapulted "briefcase beauty" Meghan Markle, now known, usually with derision, as the Duchess of Sussex, to the lower rungs of B-list fame.
If we ever again have to endure another coalition negotiation like this one, could we at least stage episodes of Deal or No Deal? And the briefcase is opened to reveal ... ministerial positions! If you are a lucky MP, your briefcase contains deputy prime minister.
If your luck sucks, it contains minister for potholes. At least the addition of briefcase beauties would make the photo ops for coalition talks more exciting.
The official "look at us, merrily negotiating away like mad" photo of Christopher Luxon, David Seymour and Winston Peters was released last week. There were no spangled frocks, just boring suits and awful ties. If we had briefcase beauties, at least we could all go "Phwoar! Nice knockers!" Not that we would, of course. We are all feminists now. Except, quite possibly, those three geezers in boring suits and awful ties. You cannot imagine any of them proclaiming that they were proudly feminist.
As an image of the future of the country for at least the next three years though anything can happen when Peters is added to the boil-up pot - it was hardly inspiring.
Denne historien er fra December 02-08, 2023-utgaven av New Zealand Listener.
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Denne historien er fra December 02-08, 2023-utgaven av New Zealand Listener.
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First-world problem
Harrowing tales of migrants attempting to enter the US highlight the political failure to fully tackle the problem.
Applying intelligence to AI
I call it the 'Terminator Effect', based on the premise that thinking machines took over the world.
Nazism rears its head
Smirky Höcke, with his penchant for waving with a suspiciously straight elbow and an open palm, won't get to be boss of either state.
Staying ahead of the game
Will the brave new world of bipartisanship that seems to be on offer with an Infrastructure Commission come to fruition?
Grasping the nettle
Broccoli is horrible. It smells, when being cooked, like cat pee.
Hangry? Eat breakfast
People who don't break their fast first thing in the morning report the least life satisfaction.
Chemical reaction
Nitrates in processed meats are well known to cause harm, but consumed from plant sources, their effect is quite different.
Me and my guitar
Australian guitarist Karin Schaupp sticks to the familiar for her Dunedin concerts.
Time is on my side
Age does not weary some of our much-loved musicians but what keeps them on the road?
The kids are not alright
Nuanced account details how China's blessed generation has been replaced by one consumed by fear and hopelessness.