Funny haha
New Zealand Listener|June 24-30 2023
Politicians who are still getting around on training wheels should leave the joke-telling to more seasoned MPs.
MICHELE HEWITSON
Funny haha

Go forth and multiply. So commandeth the leader of the National Party, Christopher Luxon. Your country needs you to breed. "We need people," he said.

"Here is the deal. Essentially New Zealand stopped replacing itself in 2016. I encourage all of you to go out there and have more babies if you wish. That would be helpful."

He wasn't really suggesting that those citizens of breeding age partake in a country-wide bonkathon. It was a joke, he had to explain. If you have to explain that you have made a joke, you haven't made a joke. You've made a failed attempt at a joke.

As is widely known, Luxon is anti-abortion. As stupid failed jokes go, then, this one was more risky than risqué. He really should stay away from jokes involving reproduction. But that is not the real problem with his lame attempt at humour. The real problem is that he didn't know it was a crap joke, and that he really should stay away from jokes involving reproduction.

As a first-term politician, he still has the training wheels on, and he's still learning to ride his bike without wobbling madly.

He was on a roll. Down the slippery slope he went, on his wobbly way. Later in the week he managed to get a gumboot stuck in his gob while chatting up farmers in Helensville. He was auditioning for the role of prime minister, or perhaps minister of tourism. The country he wanted to run was a "very negative, wet, whiny, inward-looking country". Got that, you whiny lot? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Take a spoonful of concrete and harden the fuck up.

But hang on. Doesn't complaining about negative whiners make you a negative whiner?

Denne historien er fra June 24-30 2023-utgaven av New Zealand Listener.

Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.

Denne historien er fra June 24-30 2023-utgaven av New Zealand Listener.

Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.

FLERE HISTORIER FRA NEW ZEALAND LISTENERSe alt
First-world problem
New Zealand Listener

First-world problem

Harrowing tales of migrants attempting to enter the US highlight the political failure to fully tackle the problem.

time-read
3 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Applying intelligence to AI
New Zealand Listener

Applying intelligence to AI

I call it the 'Terminator Effect', based on the premise that thinking machines took over the world.

time-read
2 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Nazism rears its head
New Zealand Listener

Nazism rears its head

Smirky Höcke, with his penchant for waving with a suspiciously straight elbow and an open palm, won't get to be boss of either state.

time-read
2 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Staying ahead of the game
New Zealand Listener

Staying ahead of the game

Will the brave new world of bipartisanship that seems to be on offer with an Infrastructure Commission come to fruition?

time-read
4 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Grasping the nettle
New Zealand Listener

Grasping the nettle

Broccoli is horrible. It smells, when being cooked, like cat pee.

time-read
3 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Hangry? Eat breakfast
New Zealand Listener

Hangry? Eat breakfast

People who don't break their fast first thing in the morning report the least life satisfaction.

time-read
3 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Chemical reaction
New Zealand Listener

Chemical reaction

Nitrates in processed meats are well known to cause harm, but consumed from plant sources, their effect is quite different.

time-read
4 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Me and my guitar
New Zealand Listener

Me and my guitar

Australian guitarist Karin Schaupp sticks to the familiar for her Dunedin concerts.

time-read
2 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Time is on my side
New Zealand Listener

Time is on my side

Age does not weary some of our much-loved musicians but what keeps them on the road?

time-read
7 mins  |
September 9, 2024
The kids are not alright
New Zealand Listener

The kids are not alright

Nuanced account details how China's blessed generation has been replaced by one consumed by fear and hopelessness.

time-read
4 mins  |
September 9, 2024