This is not, obviously, as idyllic a country name as Pear Orchard Paddock, with all of the cheerfully frolicking sheeply images it conjures. But it accurately describes the antics that are going on out there. I hate to sound like that professional prude the late Patricia Bartlett, but, really, one must avert one's eyes. The ram is in the paddock. A ram in the paddock is rude. He wears a harness, with a dye tag attached to the front of the thing. The dye rubs off on the bums of our girls, denoting that they have been tupped. We ought to be used to this by now after all, we have seen what goes on out there for six years now. But somehow, when it comes around again, it always comes as a shock. Our last season's lambs are still babies, to me. To a sheep farmer, they are hoggets and hence available for humping.
Elizabeth Jane, my pet ewe, has been had at. She is sporting a red bum. Other ewes are sporting green or blue bums. Their rear ends look like crazy clown's wigs. Elizabeth Jane had her remaining cancerous ear cut off a few weeks ago.
Denne historien er fra May 06 - 12 2023-utgaven av New Zealand Listener.
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Denne historien er fra May 06 - 12 2023-utgaven av New Zealand Listener.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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First-world problem
Harrowing tales of migrants attempting to enter the US highlight the political failure to fully tackle the problem.
Applying intelligence to AI
I call it the 'Terminator Effect', based on the premise that thinking machines took over the world.
Nazism rears its head
Smirky Höcke, with his penchant for waving with a suspiciously straight elbow and an open palm, won't get to be boss of either state.
Staying ahead of the game
Will the brave new world of bipartisanship that seems to be on offer with an Infrastructure Commission come to fruition?
Grasping the nettle
Broccoli is horrible. It smells, when being cooked, like cat pee.
Hangry? Eat breakfast
People who don't break their fast first thing in the morning report the least life satisfaction.
Chemical reaction
Nitrates in processed meats are well known to cause harm, but consumed from plant sources, their effect is quite different.
Me and my guitar
Australian guitarist Karin Schaupp sticks to the familiar for her Dunedin concerts.
Time is on my side
Age does not weary some of our much-loved musicians but what keeps them on the road?
The kids are not alright
Nuanced account details how China's blessed generation has been replaced by one consumed by fear and hopelessness.
