I'm Sorry I Chased You With a Booger'

Lessons on the right way to teach kids to apologize and grown-ups, too

- MARJORIE INGALL and SUSAN MCCARTHY

Apologies are fundamental to a civilized society. Yet so many of us get them so wrong when we try to say "sorry"-or don't even apologize at all. But why? Why is it so hard to apologize? And to do it well? SorryWatch.com founders Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy have been tracking and analyzing good and bad apologies for the last decade, and in their entertaining new book Sorry, Sorry, Sorry (Gallery Books), they unwind the baggage behind bad apologies and share the secrets of how to make a good one. In this excerpt from their book, they delve into teaching kids to apologize well-with lessons that apply to people of all ages.

APOLOGIES FROM LITTLE KIDS can be so charming, touching, and funny, and SorryWatch adores their apology notes.

Take Riley here:

dear ciara I'm sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger i put it here so you can get me back love Riley.

This is an excellent apology. Riley uses the word "sorry," apologizes to Ciara rather than to the public or a third party and makes amends by providing a payback opportunity. Notice how Riley did not write "dear ms johnson I regret if I disturbed the class love Riley." There's no "if." Riley knows the booger chasing was wrong and does not pretend it wasn't. And Riley saved that booger for Ciara. Now that's restitution. We like to think that Ciara will not get Riley back with the booger, because she's better than that. But she clearly has permission.

Here is another excellent apology, this one from a young fellow named Jack.

This Ben and Jerry's card is for the People who cleaned up the throwup of a kid on Friday the 28th. I don't know their names but I thank them alot and I'm sorry again for throwing up. And hope you enjoy your Ice cream. From Jack. AKA the kid that puked right next to the bathroom