THE first time I was told that I was beautiful was on a train. Barely touching 14, I was on my way back from my boarding school for the dreaded holidays, trying to stay as invisible as one could. Yet a kind lady, who looked like a beautiful goddess herself, with long flowing hair, had somehow found me and declared it out aloud, not once, but twice. My teenage body, hiding a lifetime of abuse and shame, went into what I would realise decades later, were the symptoms of a panic attack. Much to her shock, I had to race without excusing myself and run to the bathroom of the first class AC compartment to throw up. That's what acts of love can do to you. Random acts of kindness from random strangers become pivotal moments in your life. That's the power of being called beautiful. You may think it doesn't matter and you can hide in intellectual or sports pursuits, that you are holier than thou when it comes to the trillions of dollars spent worldwide to market all kinds of beauty products-from billboards to your social media feed, and so on. But it does. I was reading or hiding inside a book, The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison. It was, ironically, about an abused child called Pecola Breedlove who wanted to be beautiful so that she could be loved and accepted and thought that having blue eyes would make her beautiful. Part of my abused childhood and parental neglect was that I was allowed to read and do things that I shouldn't be allowed to, until at least half a decade later.
Decades later, fragments of what I had written here and there came together and The Water Phoenix-my magical realism memoir about an abused child's lifelong search for what was love and what wasn't-was published and won the hearts of endless abused kids, now adults, who have never felt beautiful. Or wanted. A book has endless layers, as each reader reveals to me. An abused child is made to feel ugly every single day.
Denne historien er fra March 21, 2024-utgaven av Outlook.
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Denne historien er fra March 21, 2024-utgaven av Outlook.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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Caste Census: To Conquer Or Conserve?
The caste census is generating heated debate, but even its most ardent proponents are not able to articulate a plan about how to use the resulting data
THE FATEFUL COMEDY
Actor-director Rajat Kapoor talks about adapting Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov into a Hindi play
Mad Hatter
When a leader takes off his topi and holds it in his hands while appealing for votes, it signals something extraordinary
Circle Within Circles
The caste question in Muslims.
Backward March
The Maratha reservation question may continue to mire the next government in the state
The 69% Exception
Quota within quota: lessons to be learned from Tamil Nadu
United Indifference
The perils of tweaking tribal identities
Two Nations, Two Destinies
The widely differing balance of power between the military and civilian leadership in India and Pakistan has significantly impacted democracy in the two countries
Crème de la Crème
The mainstream society thinks reservations are against right to equality. It’s high time they are seen in the context of right to justice.
Fading Folks
The recent SC ruling on sub-classification within the SC and ST categories temporarily lifted the hopes of tribal communities in Jharkhand