In his shoes

In a new book, actor Elliot Page writes about the trauma of being stuck in the wrong body

- REYA MEHROTRA

When the imagined world seems better than the real, one escapes to it frequently, basking in its comfort and delusions. Looking back at his life as Ellen, 36-year-old Elliot Page writes in his memoir Pageboy, “My imagination was a lifeline. It was where I felt the most unrestrained, un-self conscious, real.” Ultimately, this living in his imagination fed into his onscreen calling. With his roles in films like Juno (2007), Inception (2010) and X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014), Page is an established name in Hollywood today. He was recently seen in the web series, The Umbrella Academy.

He says he knew at the age of four that he was a boy stuck in a girl’s body. It would take him two decades to finally come out as gay, and another couple of years to reveal his transgender identity.

As a child, he would try to urinate standing like a man, not caring if he spilled all over. He would cut his hair short and wear collared shirts and pants. However, he soon had to give up his ways when he took up acting as a profession. His pictures from Juno’s premiere show his discomfort at being made to wear a dress and heels. At the age of 20, he won an Oscar nomination for his role in Juno.

“The success of Juno coincided with people in the industry telling me no one could know I was queer,” he writes. “That it would not be good for me, that I should have options, to trust that this was for the best. I was struggling with depression and having panic attacks so bad I would collapse.”