IF ERIK ten Hag had some hair, he'd be pulling it out.
But this is no laughing matter for the Manchester United boss, who must feel like spending the international break locked in a darkened room.
Instead, he will be donning a protective suit to fight the fires now raging inside and outside of Old Trafford.
The new season is less than a month old, but Ten Hag is already engulfed in a crisis.
Welcome to Planet United, Erik.
So where do we begin? United handled the s***storm surrounding Mason Greenwood like amateurs.
And if palming the troubled striker off to Getafe on loan felt like a good idea, think again.
The fact is Greenwood still belongs to United. The problem will be back next summer.
Elsewhere, Jadon Sancho appears to be finished at United after being axed from the squad because of a poor attitude.
Antony is facing a police investigation into fresh allegations of domestic abuse by an ex-girlfriend.
Denne historien er fra September 08, 2023-utgaven av Daily Star.
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Denne historien er fra September 08, 2023-utgaven av Daily Star.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
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BRIT SMASHERS CAN DO NO WRONG
EMMA RADUCANU and Katie Boulter blew away defending champions Canada to help Great Britain reach the Billie Jean King Cup semi-finals.
Hit for six
Matching Seve's total leaves Rory emotional
ALL CUT UP
Billam-Smith is bloody marvellous in defeat
MARO NO!
Itoje says boss does not deserve Borth barrels
Francais festive woe
FLOP'S KING GEORGE DOUBT
Soaps a lifetime of Riley
DALE TO LAST INTO THE '40s
Rocks race row
'GEOLOGY LINKED TO WHITE SUPREMACY'
MO-MENTUM
Olympic hero chases down van pair who nicked phone
Car boot murder: Cops hunt hubby
POLICE suspect a woman found dead in a car boot was killed by her husband who has since fled the UK.
Even Fido thinks you're a wazzock
DOGS TAKE SIDES IN FAMILY BUST-UPS