Fascist fever dreams of Sunak’s lovestruck Roman holiday are brought to a rather brutal end

Rishi Sunak hadn't felt this loved up since his early days with Akshata. He'd only gone to the Brothers R of Italy convention in Rome out of curiosity and to return a favour.

Giorgia Meloni had been the only world leader to make the effort to turn up to his spectacularly pointless AI summit in Bletchley.

What he hadn't expected was an instant attraction. The connection that comes between soulmates. For the first time in ages, Rish! felt truly seen by someone with whom he could share his innermost fascisty thoughts without fear of being judged. Who would listen to his dreams of sending refugees to Rwanda and make them her own.

But now he had to get back to work. To try to regain his focus. To stop compulsively checking his WhatsApp to see if G had messaged him.

Perhaps he could give the troops in Germany a thrill by going to Scotland instead. He wasn't sure how they would cope without his Christmas thanks.

Just one problem. He would have to do a pooled broadcast clip.

the only thing on the media's mind was the interview that Michelle Mone had given to the BBC the day before. The one that had all the hallmarks of being set up by Prince Andrew's PR adviser.