The wally without a brolly is left California dreaming

As soon as the door of No 10 opened and Rishi Sunak stepped outside, it started to pitter-patter.

- JOE MURPHY

As he burbled about “the most challenging times” and “collective sacrifice”, big blobs of water made wet splodges on the shoulders of his suit. (Cue peals of laughter from Labour HQ, where they quickly booked Keir Starmer a nice dry oak-panelled room bedecked with union flags to make his response.)

For Sunak, things could only get wetter. He stood helpless at the podium on what should have been the most electrifying moment of his life looking increasingly soggy and foolish but unable to take shelter without looking even more ridiculous.

Now, if I was the sort of chap who paid £3,500 for suits from Henry Herbert, I might be a bit more careful where I stood. You could feel the damp seeping through his collar, the chill entering his soul.

And that wasn’t even the worst of it. Throughout the PM’s ghastly, pedestrian address, he had to compete with a protester armed with a loudspeaker playing the old Tony Blair anthem from the Tory rout in 1997, “Things Can Only Get Better”.