How parents can talk to teens about school life or problems

Cultivating open channel from a child’s early years helpful, says expert

- Syarafana Shafeeq, Tan Wei Xuan

2022 was eventful for secondary school student Alastair Chua. He was appointed captain of his school's volleyball team, and spent many days rehearsing for his role in the school musical.

At home, his mother was unaware that these things were happening. She found out that her teenage son from Clementi Town Secondary School was going to be performing only when her daughter bought tickets to the show.

Naturally introverted, Alastair found it difficult to share parts of his school life with his mother. His mother often came home late from work, not giving them much of an opportunity to catch up on his school life over dinner.

His mother knows that the 16-year-old is shy and reserved.

She would occasionally ask questions about how school is going, but would not push her son to share more. Whenever she asked, Alastair would give short, dry answers.

Despite this, the teenager, who took his O levels in 2023, feels that his mum is supportive and appreciates whatever she does for him.

He also prefers having clear lines between school and home.

"There's this mutual understanding that gives me the space to do whatever I am doing in school, and she trusts that I am doing it well. This is her supporting me in her own way, and I know I can approach her whenever I need help.

She doesn't have to be constantly watching over me to show that support," he said.

Although Alastair likes a handoff approach, others his age may yearn for more direct support.

An international study released on Dec 5 found that about half of the students in Singapore surveyed felt that their parents do not take an interest in what they are learning in school. The survey was done as part of the Programme for International Student Assessment (Pisa) 2022 test.