How to cope when spouses die young

Those who lose a spouse suddenly can feel unprepared for what their future looks like

It was April 10, 2018, and Mr Colin Brougham hadn't sent his usual text to his wife that he was cycling home. Instead, he lay dead a few blocks away after a commuter train struck him.

"I knew he was dead before I knew he was dead," recalled Mrs Rachel Brougham, his widow. "My son and I went to the scene, and when I was told it was him, I screamed so loud I think all of Minneapolis heard me." Mrs Brougham was only 39.

"My life as I knew it changed in an instant," said Mrs Brougham, now 46. "My future as I imagined it was stolen. Grief changes your brain chemistry. It changes how you think, how you interact with others, how you work. It literally changes every single thing about your life."

Those widowed in their 20s and 30s, few of whom may even have a will, can feel even more stunned and unprepared. Who expects to die that young? 

Mrs Brougham, like anyone whose spouse dies unexpectedly, suddenly faced a variety of complex financial decisions: how to handle mortgage payments, car and student loans, leases and credit card debts. Blinded by grief, exhausted and overwhelmed, the bereaved must also plan and pay for a funeral and its various expenses.

"As a certified financial planner, and someone who specialises in supporting young widows and widowers, I've seen first-hand the raw heartache of this community," said Mr Brian K. Seymour II, founder and chief executive of Prosperitage Wealth in Atlanta.

"Losing your partner at a young age, whether to illness or a sudden accident, throws you into a storm of grief and financial upheaval." Even if it feels overwhelming, Mr Seymour recommends getting control of your financial situation immediately.

"Gather all your financial documents bank statements, investment accounts, life insurance policies, wills and get yourself organised," he said.