The Case for Acknowledging Joy in Our Conversations About Family

If the predominant chatter is any indication, you would think raising children is a life hazard. Have we forgotten the smiles they bring?

- Mubin Saadat

It was merely a five-minute wait for coffee. But that was all it took for a casual chat with a mother of two to descend into shared lament over the chaos of managing little siblings. There was a familiar exhaustion in her eyes, a weariness I recognized all too well.

Conversations with fellow fathers in the trenches aren't much different. They have often revolved around frantic chauffeuring duties over weekends that flash by. There's a tiredness in our conversations about family life.

Many online discussions I've come across on the topic of family are despondent. "Realistically, if you want children, at least one parent's career will suffer," read one comment on a Reddit thread that felt like a stream of despair.

The narrative is often grim, tinged with foreboding, and sometimes, finger-pointing as to who or what is to blame. It doesn't help that we have a tech billionaire weighing in on our low birth rate and warning us about "going extinct".

So it's with some wonder that I was staring at those billboard-size posters plastered at Build-To-Order construction sites - always so idyllic, parents and their children at a playground or gathered around a cozy living room with wide smiles. The kind of tableau that suggests we got it made.

With three young children, I'm no stranger to the stresses of family life. No kidding.

It's comforting to know that the space to acknowledge and recognize the daily struggles of weary parents is getting bigger. There's relief from the venting, for sure. But I'm also perturbed by the heavy cloud of negativity that hangs over the discourse - to the point that it becomes a powerful deterrent for those thinking of starting a family.

The data is telling. Thanks to many surveys, we're well aware by now that the number of singles who wish to get married has declined in the last decade. One study showed that young people prioritize careers and financial security ahead of starting a family.