‘Gentle Parenting' Takes Over Social Media

Parents pushing back on their authoritarian upbringings now talk about 'big feelings' and gentle hands, but it's hard work

- JULIE JARGON

I CONSIDER MYSELF a pretty empathetic parent. I rarely raise my voice with my three kids. But by the rules of "gentle parenting," I'm practically a monster.

If you have kids, and have gone within 10 feet of Instagram or TikTok, you've been served at least a couple videos explaining how to be a gentle parent-and you've probably felt your fair share of mom or dad guilt.

You aren't supposed to lose your cool around your kids, even when they're having tantrums. (Sorry, they're now called "big feelings.")

You're supposed to get down on their level when they're emotional, make eye contact and validate their concerns. Don't tell kids not to hit-we say "use gentle hands." And definitely don't count to three to get them moving.

And no matter what, never, ever reward or punish the kids. We're supposed to discipline them...gently.

Got it?

The internet has always offered a sloppy, head-spinning stew of parenting advice and judgment, from tiger moms to attachment parents. Gentle parenting is enjoying new dominance. As adults confront their own mental health and childhood trauma and share it all on social media, the parents among them are trying to find ways to avoid scarring their own kids. And like other online movements, gentle parenting has spawned its fair share of performative posting.

On TikTok, about 183,000 videos with the #gentleparenting hashtag have been viewed cumulatively more than three billion times in the past three years.

So what is it, exactly? Some posts show a permissive, child-led style of parenting. Others prescribe setting firm boundaries minus yelling, threats or punishment.

Whatever the definition, parents, particularly moms, feel pressured.