What to Do When Grandparents Compete With One Another

The joy of having grandchildren is real. If you get buttonholed by any new Nana or Papa, you will hear all about it. What is talked about less, though it is just as real: the feeling that you are competing with the other grandparents for the grandchildren's time and affection.

- FRANCINE RUSSO

The grievances are many. They live closer. They get more in-person contact. They indulge them in ways you never would. They pass on their cultural heritage to the detriment of yours.

What's more, given divorce rates, there can be three or four sets of grandparents (and steps) these days, causing ever more competition for meaningful time with grandchildren. "Look at the big picture," says retired Western New Mexico University family therapist Mary Hotvedt. "There are 52 weeks in the year, and how many visits with grandparents must be satisfied by two usually working children?" There are ways, fortunately, for both parents and grandparents to at least minimize the competition, and even erase it. Consider:

Talk to the parents about what they need