Finding grace at Christmas

At this time of year, joy, anxiety, frustration and loneliness co-exist in the emotional holiday melting pot - but it's also when, more than ever, experiencing awe connects us, explains Julia Baird.

If there were such a thing as a reservoir of grace, many of us would be repeatedly lowering buckets into it over the Christmas months. One bucket to steady ourselves for lunch with difficult relatives, colleagues and random ring-ins. A dozen more to steel ourselves against a sense of isolation, financial constraint or the sadness that can descend on the imperfect days where Instagram tells us perfect families frolic on the beach and sit happily around tables groaning with food.

Thanks to my carol-singing, angel-loving and ever-calm mother, I’ve always loved Christmas – the sparkle and kitsch, the carols and candles, the board games, the giving and the joy. But it’s also a time of reckoning, and exhaustion.

According to Relationships Australia, Christmas is considered to be one of the most stressful life events, along with divorce, moving house and changing jobs. Much of the stress springs from the mayhem, the crowds, the costs, the catering, the buying presents – a survey of 3000-odd people found 86 per cent particularly struggled with gift selection. 

But for many, the sources of anxiety run much deeper. It’s the time of year that people are most likely to experience depression, often triggered by divorce, unemployment or having lost a family member. Throw in drugs, alcohol and gambling and we have a heady, heavy brew.

A 2022 New Zealand study of 20,000 people found that almost half of the adult population dread this time of year, and struggle with getting everything done (mall on Christmas Eve anyone?). Apparently, things get most tense in the third week of December. (It’s worth noting two out of three enjoyed themselves in the end, despite it all.)