I'M ASEXUAL but I still became a mum

Bryony Farmer took a different route to motherhood after years of battling with her lack of sexual attraction to anyone

-  BRYONY FARMER/RACHEL HALLIWELL DAILY MAIL

Last weekend, my baby boy Oryn turned one. As I helped him blow out the candle on his first birthday cake, he beamed up at me and I felt a rush of pride and joy.

It was followed immediately by the heart-stopping thought, ‘What if I hadn’t been brave enough to have you?’ That might be an odd thing for a young mum of 26 to say – after all, deciding to try for a baby is not an act of bravery per se. But, for me, having a child meant taking a huge leap of faith. Since my teens, I’ve lived with two – seemingly conflicting – certainties: one, that I desperately wanted to become a mother; and that I’m asexual. Those who are asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others. Many people who identify as asexual do not want to have sex, and some choose never to do so. So, from the start, having a baby felt like a puzzle to be solved – given that, unlike many of my friends, I didn’t grow up convinced I’d fall in love with a tall, handsome stranger with whom I’d be desperate to start a family.

I could have agonised for years over how I would ever have a child. But then, aged 20, a degree of urgency was thrown into the mix. After years of painful periods I was diagnosed with adenomyosis, a condition that causes the lining of the uterus to wrongly grow within its muscular wall.

I was told the disease is degenerative; many women develop fertility issues and ultimately need a hysterectomy.

Early fascination