The waiter lights the candle and I gaze into the eyes of my dinner date: the bluegrey eyes with flecks of green that I've loved beyond measure for 16 years. At that moment, I think back to the first time we met, on a freezing cold January night. He arrived at almost midnight, ashen and silent, after a 48-hour labour that - fortunately - only one of us remembers. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. Which in his case it was.
I was terrified of losing him, back then. And now, 16 years later, I'm terrified I'm losing him again, this man-boy, with the square shoulders I hardly recognise and the throaty voice and the bristles above his top lip. It's often said about parenting that the days are long and the years are short. When my children were young, I so often craved a bit of me time - a haircut, a cup of tea that didn't go cold, an hour to myself. It never happened. And then, suddenly, it did. Baby Annabells were consigned to the orphanage of the loft, along with Lego and Julia Donaldson (I never could give those books away), replaced by a swirl of hormones and headphones. And now, as my son stomps towards adulthood, I wonder: when did all this happen? When did I take my eye off the game? I remember his first day at nursery: he cried so violently that they called me to collect him after just one hour. I strapped him into the Maxi-Cosi and drove home in a fog of exhaustion and exasperation, wondering how I'd ever get any work done, ever get back to anything resembling 'normal' again. But also, secretly, pleased that he needed me so badly; loved me as much as I loved him.
Denne historien er fra February 2023-utgaven av Woman & Home UK.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent ? Logg på
Denne historien er fra February 2023-utgaven av Woman & Home UK.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på
How healthy IS YOUR GUT?
This month, our fitness expert Annie Deadman on discovering what's really going on inside your body and how to keep it in the peak of condition
'DON'T CALL ME A HERO'
Seeing the plight of innocent children in Gaza, Dr Ana Jeelani knew her medical skills could save lives – here’s what she experienced
CANCER WAS JUST A JOB until it happened to me
Author, speaker and health content creator Dr Liz O'Riordan shares her journey from consultant breast surgeon to cancer patient
Freewheeling in TUSCANY
A cycling holiday through medieval cities and lush scenery is a great way to absorb culture and get off the beaten track
Nostalgic BAKES
Unlock childhood memories with these fun sweet treats
A NEW NORMAL
The Princess of Wales is looking to the future, putting family first and ditching her to-do list
I look forward to being a very elderly, ECCENTRIC WOMAN'
Comedian and podcaster Katherine Ryan, 41, lives in London with her three children and partner Bobby Kootstra
Lighter DINNERS
Big on flavour and easy on the calories
Behind CLOSED DOORS
What really goes on at your local surgery, and how are decisions made? GP and practice partner Dr Helen Wall reveals all
15 ways to IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY
Make yours fault-proof with these easy lifestyle tricks