On my phone, I'm looking at one of the last messages Felix ever sent me.
Hi Mum. All is well here in Leicester. The play is coming along nicely. Sorry I haven't had a chance to talk. Been rehearsing more and more. What about your visit?
This was in March 2017. Felix, who was 20 years old, had gone back to university a couple of months earlier. I was preparing to go up from our home in Devon to watch him perform on stage, and we were messaging each other to make arrangements.
I was so looking forward to seeing him, especially as, finally, I was feeling less worried about him. He'd had a difficult few years, after developing epilepsy at 13. He suffered regular seizures, despite taking medication, which had affected his confidence badly.
He never complained, but his teenage years had been tough. Now, a few years on, things seemed to be going better; he was at university and blossoming. He'd started acting-particularly brave because of the risk of seizures - and had told me all about his new friends and what fun he was having.
When I turned up at the agreed meeting place to meet Felix before the show, he wasn't there. I wasn't too concerned: as a mum of two boys, I was used to being stood up. I texted and called there was no reply. After a while, feeling a little anxious, I set off to find the theatre where he was rehearsing.
When I got there, the show's director told me he hadn't shown up for a couple of days, missing vital rehearsals. They had been trying to track him down, but didn't know where he lived. I phoned his hall of residence. They said they'd check on him in his room and would call me back.
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