‘Without fail Broody Hen purloined her extras until we had a brainwave and gave her back two rubber eggs'

There is a summer of discontent in diarist Julian Hammer’s hen house as Broody Hen causes upset when ‘pinching’ others’ newly-laid eggs while also falling out with the ‘babysitter’

- Julian Hammer

Here at Rose Cottage, in line with the rest of the country, we are easing our social distancing measures. The three randy drakes have been released from lockdown in the soft fruit garden and are now allowed to mix with the girls. Their behaviour on the first day of freedom was exemplary. They didn’t keep their distance, but nor did they abuse their liberty. In fact, it was a rather staid affair. Social mixing more reminiscent of a ballroom scene from Downton Abbey than a Madchester rave. Day two was a different matter.

After six weeks of separation, the boys have got use to sleeping in their own house and, being creatures of habit, at dusk on that first day of freedom they happily trotted off to the lads’ dormitory as the girls went back to theirs.

I opened up both duck houses in the morning and was almost trampled to death in the stampede to the pond where there ensued a scene that made a post lockdown Bournemouth beach look like a church outing.

They have been warned that if they can’t modify their behaviour and act more responsibly then I’ll have no choice but to reintroduce strict control measures, but alas, like most of the rest of the population, they don’t seem to care. For now I’m monitoring the situation in the hope that they’ll calm down and enforcement action won’t be necessary.

IT’S GETTING SERIOUS