Anorexic And Dying... ...But Look At Me Now
NOW|November 05, 2018

Weighing just 4st, Nicola King, 26, knew she was weeks from death

Lianne La Borde, Harriet Rose-Gale
Anorexic And Dying... ...But Look At Me Now

Clicking a selfie in the bathroom mirror, I scrutinised my body closely. I must get smaller, I told myself. It was late 2011, I was 19, 5ft 9in – and I weighed 4st. You could see every rib, the bumps in my spine and my hips jutted out so much you could see the shape of my pelvis. But for me, it wasn’t enough, I still needed to see more bones.

I’d started feeling insecure at 14 and began counting calories at 16. It wasn’t long before my size 10 clothes became loose, but even back then it wasn’t about losing weight – and I never once looked in the mirror and thought I was fat. But I was full of anger that I couldn’t explain, and felt desperately unhappy. My eating disorder was about control, and it soon became anorexia.

I told myself that if I could get that bit smaller, it’d solve my problems. Meanwhile, my mum, Cathy, then 55, dad, Martin, 60, and sister, Corinne, 28, were sick with worry.

Taking control

As I disappeared, I was sectioned, force-fed, and made to attend various eating disorder clinics. But nothing could get me to eat or admit I had a problem.

By now, I was desperately ill, my periods had stopped and my hair was falling out. I was in agony all the time. Mum spent her days caring for me at home and each night, Dad would carry me upstairs to bed. Still, I constantly pored over photos of my body wasting away – in competition with myself to be smaller by the next snap.

Yet, the more weight I lost, the more numb I felt. I’d given up and felt mentally and physically dead. It was like being trapped with an abusive partner – only I was my own abuser.

This story is from the November 05, 2018 edition of NOW.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the November 05, 2018 edition of NOW.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM NOWView All
7 Golden Rules For A Drama-Free One-Night Stand
NOW

7 Golden Rules For A Drama-Free One-Night Stand

Just perfect if you want your office Christmas party to go with a bang!

time-read
2 mins  |
December 03, 2018
6 Ways To Tell If He Just Wants Sex
NOW

6 Ways To Tell If He Just Wants Sex

6 ways to tell if he just wants sex

time-read
3 mins  |
March 11, 2019
Fans Tell Jacqueline - ‘You Need To Divorce Dan'
NOW

Fans Tell Jacqueline - ‘You Need To Divorce Dan'

Rumours that Dan Osborne was unfaithful sees fans beg his wife to leave him

time-read
2 mins  |
March 25, 2019
'I'll Be Here When You Realise The Grass Isn't Greener!
NOW

'I'll Be Here When You Realise The Grass Isn't Greener!

Jamie puts his feelings to one side as friends worry Louise is lost in showbiz...

time-read
3 mins  |
August 21, 2017
The Sad Decline Of Sarah Harding
NOW

The Sad Decline Of Sarah Harding

From glamorous pop star with the world at her feet to recovering addict

time-read
2 mins  |
August 21, 2017
Why Meghan Markle Is The Most Surprising Royal-To-Be
NOW

Why Meghan Markle Is The Most Surprising Royal-To-Be

She's set to wed Prince Harry, but who is woman shaking up the Royal Family?

time-read
1 min  |
August 21, 2017
Alicia Douvall: ‘If either of my daughters want plastic surgery I'll send them for therapy!'
NOW

Alicia Douvall: ‘If either of my daughters want plastic surgery I'll send them for therapy!'

Cosmetic surgery addict Alicia opens up to Now about her new healthy lifestyle and being a mum

time-read
6 mins  |
August 21, 2017
It Seems They Were Never Really Perfect After All...
NOW

It Seems They Were Never Really Perfect After All...

The real Chris and Anna revealed

time-read
1 min  |
August 21, 2017
Jamie's Plea To Louise 'Stop Putting Work First And Let's Have Another Baby!'
NOW

Jamie's Plea To Louise 'Stop Putting Work First And Let's Have Another Baby!'

As Louise takes drastic measures to launch a modelling career, Jamie issues an ultimatum…

time-read
2 mins  |
August 28, 2017
'I Can Be Famous In America Too, Mark!'
NOW

'I Can Be Famous In America Too, Mark!'

As Mark prepares to move Stateside, Lauren is determined to be the bigger star…

time-read
2 mins  |
August 28, 2017