A memoir of addiction
IN NOVEMBER 2017, The Walrus started working with Chris Willie, a thirty-two-year-old environmental and exercise physiology researcher, a university lecturer in British Columbia, and an experienced mountain climber. Willie had recently completed a memoir about his experience with and recovery from fentanyl addiction. He was eight months out of rehab when he finished his draft at the mountain and wilderness writing residency at the Banff Centre. But, on December 21, after returning from a climbing expedition in South America, Willie relapsed and died due to a fentanyl overdose. This version of his story is based on editing conversations with The Walrus before his death and is published with the approval of his family.
Coming to is like waking up in an underwater car crash — a lightning moment in the crack of a missed heartbeat, breath erupting in an agony of terror. Sobbing, gasping for air, I’m bewildered at the sight of waxy fingers clawing at the bathroom floor, fingernails chewed past the quick. My arm leaves a thin red smear along the toilet’s edge as I prop myself up: just a few more bits of me left behind. Alone. Beyond the locked door of my staff bathroom, the happy chatter of students begins to regain form, and a spot of sanity returns. I crawl up the sink to my feet and look to the face in the mirror, all reds and grays and blues of a landfill fire. Abandoned eyes. You fucking moron. This is such idiocy. You obviously need to dilute the fentanyl so you stop overdosing.
AUGUST 2017
This story is from the September 2018 edition of The Walrus.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the September 2018 edition of The Walrus.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
MY GUILTY PLEASURE
I WAS AS SURPRISED as anyone when I became obsessed with comics again last year, at the advanced age of forty-five. As a kid, I loved reading G.I. Joe and The Amazing Spider-Man.
The Upside-Down Book
In her new novel, Rachel Cusk makes the case for becoming a stranger to yourself
Pick a Colour
BACK HERE, I can hear a group of women trickle in. Filling the floor with giggles and voices.
Quebec's Crushing Immigration Policy
Familial separation can have devastating consequences on mental health and productivity
The Briefcase
What I learned about being a writer from trying to finish a dead man's book
In the Footsteps of Migrants Who Never Made It
Thousands have died trying to cross into the US from Mexico. Each year, activists follow their harrowing trek
Blood Language
Menstruation ties us to the land in ways we've all but forgotten
Dream Machines
The real threat with artificial intelligence is that we'll fall prey to its hype
Invisible Lives
Without immigration status, Canada's undocumented youth stay in the shadows
My Guilty Pleasure
"The late nights are mine alone, and I'll spend them however I damn well please"
