Put Down That Phone!

Is your partner always on their cellphone but they don’t reply to your messages or calls? Here’s how to find out what they’re up to.

- Vida Li Sik

YOU’VE noticed your partner behaving suspiciously with their cellphone. Perhaps he or she texts a lot late at night, but hides the phone screen from you or they might take calls in your presence, only to end them abruptly. Or you send WhatsApp messages to your partner, who is online, but you get the silent treatment.

So you wonder what’s going on and your fingers are itching to get hold of that cellphone. But before you do, stop and ask yourself why you want to snoop, says Pierre de Villiers, a counselling therapist based in Fourways, Johannesburg.

“Past hurts or experiences of growing up in a family where infidelity was the norm can affect your level of trust and your response. But every person needs space and privacy,” Pierre explains.

“Technology can strain a relationship. The minute you pick up the phone and start checking messages and logs, ask yourself whether you’re acting in a loving way or policing your relationship,” he adds.

While you don’t need to feel guilty if you do it once, Pierre says you need to take responsibility for your choices and decide what kind of relationship you want if it becomes a habit.

You should never feel uncomfortable about leaving your cellphone lying around for any family member to pick up, says Judy Ramsden, head of counselling for The Family Life Centre in Parkview, Joburg. “If you feel that way, it shows there’s a problem,” she adds.