Overcoming Envy

What to do when someone has what you want

- Erica Lenti

EARLIER THIS YEAR, when I learned my new co-worker owned a rescue dog, my first reaction was excitement. I had adopted my own, a sweet but traumatized one-eyed dachshund mix named Belle, only a year and a half before. In my colleague I thought I’d find an empathetic ear—someone who would relate to the difficult task of raising a rescue; instead, she raved about the ease of caring for her pup. Whereas Belle took several weeks just to learn to sit, and barks at every child and senior she passes, my colleague’s dog adjusted almost immediately to her new home, accepting pets and pats from any and all passersby.

I burned with envy, resenting my co-worker, if only momentarily, for having it easier than I did. As the day wore on, my mind spiralled: Did I simply not have what it takes to care for another living being? If I had kids, would I end up emotionally stunting them with my lack of patience?

Experiencing envy can send us reeling with a sense of deprivation and non-fulfillment while we neglect to appreciate our own unique circumstances. Although these uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy and covetousness can seem impossible to overcome, here are a few practical strategies to get beyond them.

RECOGNIZE YOUR ENVY

Identifying that you’re envious at all is the first step, Vancouver personal and professional development coach Charina Cruz tells me. Often, she sees clients who come in with feelings of anger, frustration and sadness, but don’t know why. “They feel lost or confused by what they’re experiencing,” Cruz says. And although people never like to admit they are coveting what another person has, after a little digging she finds that envy is sometimes at the root of these difficult emotions.