Singled Out

Childhood bullying can have a profound effect on our adult lives, making us more likely to fall prey to bullies in our workplace and friendship groups. Charlotte Philby investigates the true psychological cost

- Charlotte Philby

‘Even now when I look back to my days at a private girls’ school in the Home Counties, I wonder if it was all my fault for being an outsider because I found it so hard to fit into any group,’ says Sarah, now 36. ‘At break times, I’d spend the whole hour wandering around, never being allowed to join in anyone’s game. I often felt totally overwhelmed by sadness.’ Now, married with two young children, Sarah has a successful legal career and appears confident and secure. But behind the impeccably calm persona, the impact of childhood bullying has hounded her into adult life, in the form of depression and, ultimately, alcoholism.

‘Beyond the teasing and name-calling was a more insidious feeling of exclusion and loneliness,’ she says. ‘As I became a teenager, I discovered booze and boys. It was a platform upon which I could finally relate to and compete with other girls. So I drank to get drunk, to oblivion and blackout. It was the only time my insecurities disappeared. It took me another 20 years to admit during an AA meeting that I had a problem and drank to block out my feelings of low self-worth.’ Sarah says she still has a huge amount of shame over her school days. ‘I don’t trust women easily or believe I have any “real” friends. I spent years trying to fix relationships with some girls because I really wanted them to like me – it’s a trait I still watch out for in myself now – the constant craving for validation from others.’

THE FACTS