Living With Bipolar

Do you have extreme mood swings and often experience an exaggerated sense of self-confidence? You may be Bipolar.

- Aduh Irene

I discovered I was bipolar in July 2018. This was after I took myself to a hospital after experiencing an extreme episode at a club where I was having my graduation after-party with friends. In the midst of the merry-making, I felt this overwhelming sadness and self-hate and I started crying. I felt unappreciated by my friends despite their being there with me. Growing up, I struggled with extreme mood swings but they were always attributed by those around me to adolescence. I never thought I had a mental disorder.

A support group I was in, recommended the Kenyatta National Hospital Youth Centre, Department of Mental Health, as the best place to go for a diagnosis. I didn’t know what to expect. The doctor diagnosed me with bipolar after asking me a series of questions, mainly centered on the background and the history of the episodes that sent me to the hospital. After that, she scheduled me weekly for three months. I had been given the option of medication and or therapy. I had this fear of being dependent on medication so I chose therapy.

When I got my diagnosis I was shocked. I always thought that bipolar was a white person’s disease. Initially, I went into denial and withdrew from everyone for a long time. I was depressed but I eventually accepted my fate. By that time, I had been given a coping mechanism; I kept a Daily Mood Journal. The first person I told about my diagnosis was my best friend at the time. She told me that the diagnosis was false. It broke my heart. I didn’t come out to my family until six months after my diagnosis. It took days to gather the courage. I broke the news on our family WhatsApp group because I could not mouth the words without bursting into tears. I was scared because I assumed that they would react negatively but when I told them, they were understanding and supportive.