When Men Go Off Sex

We expect men to be ready for sex, anytime, any place, anywhere. So it's a bit of a shock when they say no. LAURA MARCUS asks the experts why men go off sex, and if women have anything to worry about when they do.

- Laura Marcus

Anna felt hot and sexy as she waited for boyfriend Mick to call. It was Saturday night – couples night. The candles were lit, a romantic dinner was slowly simmering on the stove, and she was wearing a basque, very naughty, very tight black and red satin outfit she’d ordered online. As she poured herself a glass of wine, she dreamily imagined the steamy passion that lay ahead for her that night.

Mick was late, but that didn't matter. It just added to her growing sense of anticipation. As she happily stirred the creamy mushroom sauce and added, oh just a touch more spice, she giggled as she thought of the REAL spice that lay ahead ...

Only it didn't. Mick rebuked her. Said he wasn't ‘in the mood’, but thanks for the lovely meal and yes, the basque was, uh, fetching. But look, he’d had a very tough week and couldn't they just have an early night? Curl up and cuddle instead?

The next day, Anna is venting to her friend Jane. 'Huh! Curl up and cuddle is ALL he ever wants to do these days. What's WRONG with him? I felt SUCH a fool, trussed up like a chicken in a tarty outfit three sizes too small for me.'

It was Jane who had suggested the sexy get-up. She said all men loved their women dressing up as tarts. After all, if men loved looking at scantily dressed women in magazines and movies, they’d love the real thing, surely?

But it didn’t work for Anna, and she felt hurt, bewildered and angry.

Sex therapist Dr Martin Cole says, 'I see many women in Anna's position. When a man doesn't want sex with you, or doesn't want it as often as you do, it can feel very rejecting and very hurtful.'