Blue period

Pregnancy is often a pastel-hued blur of excitement and anticipation. Except when it isn’t. Parizaad Khan Sethi discovers the mental health issues that lurk just beneath the surface for mums-to-be as they embark on this transformative journey

- Parizaad Khan Sethi

Women have been conditioned into believing that pregnancy is one of the most joyous experiences of their lives. For most, it really is, but I’m here to tell you that’s not always true. As soon as I got my first positive test result, I waited for that rush of joy. All I felt, however, was dread that lasted for most of my pregnancy.

BEYOND THE BLUES

A large part of my unease had to do with the way society traditionally views mothers and what it expects of them—total obeisance to their offspring and erasure of all identity besides motherhood. We’re bombarded by images of mums as sacrificing, near-godly beings, leaving careers they loved and lives they built for the good of their spawn. In real life too, this cult of baby-obsessed momagers seemed inescapable: the Manhattan mothers in my neighbourhood fixated on good school districts and strollers for uneven sidewalks. At the same time, my friends in India talked non-stop about their nanny issues and herculean school admission processes. It all seemed so frustratingly one-sided, like the different facets of their personality had morphed into one big mush of motherhood. I was also hesitant to give up the life my husband and I had worked hard to set up in a city we loved. I couldn’t imagine a baby, with its exacting feeding schedules and nap times, fitting into our footloose existence.

LITTLE DISCOVERIES