Living With Grief

The loss of a loved one is one of the toughest things we’ll ever experience. But, as Caron Kemp discovered, the pain can lead to unexpected growth

- Caron Kemp

I’ve lost count of the number of times people have told me how strong I am. Considering I rarely set foot in a gym and my body bears the signs of having carried three children, I’d be surprised if they meant physically so. Rather, they’re talking about the resilience I’ve shown since losing my mum to cancer in 2016.

The tragedy is, everybody will experience grief at some point or another. And even more distressing is that it seems to be more difficult to process than other negative emotions. Why? Because serious loss doesn’t just affect the way you feel – it has a very real effect on the workings of your body, too.

“While each of us deals with grief in our own way, we know it causes tremendous confusion and often physical pain,” explains neuroscientist Dean Burnett, author of The Idiot Brain. “The consequences are not metaphorical. Grief is a trauma, and your body’s automatic response to that is to flood its system with cortisol, which can have harmful effects. The brain is forced to try to return to normal functioning and this can take considerable time.” All this certainly rings true for me. Although, while the stages of grief seem to be common knowledge – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – there’s no fixed timeline to follow. It’s like a pendulum, forever swinging back and forth between them all.

WHY IT HURTS SO MUCH