A life hinging on contradictions and duality, the only acceptance he seeks is from his parents.
IT WAS AN INNOCENT PHONE CALL that almost became my undoing. “Why will you be late?” asked my mother. “Because I have to walk the gay Pride parade, Ma.” Just like that, it slipped out. She waited a split second before asking, a hint of suspicion entering her voice: “Why?” This was the moment: I could have come out to her. But a part of me nixed that hope. “Because I have to support my friends, Ma. I have to be there for them,” I lied. This was in 2009, when I was 25 and still living with my parents.
I’ve known about my sexuality pretty much all my life. People ask me: at what age did you actually know? I ask back: at what age does a straight person know? I gravitated towards whomever I found naturally attractive, like a child who prefers a certain food to another but doesn’t quite know how to articulate it. I finally came out to my friends towards the end of college.
To make my coming out easier, I told everyone I discovered I was gay in a moment of epiphany in my final year of college. I had had a real girlfriend until my second year. The story I put out was that we broke up because of relationship problems. The truth is, I had broken up with her because I could no longer carry on the charade. I did love her, deeply, just not the way she would have wanted me to.
This story is from the April 2018 edition of Reader's Digest India.
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This story is from the April 2018 edition of Reader's Digest India.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
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