Unbreak Your Heart: Coping With Disloyalty

When he shamelessly admitted to cheating on me, I crawled into my bed crying, feeling less and less beautiful, hating myself for not trying harder to please him in bed. I realized, when I was supposed to blame him for his mistake, I was blaming myself.” – Yasara, 25 (married)

- Yasodhara Kariyawasam

Often, being a woman is like being a psychic, because we typically know, when something doesn’t feel right in our relationship. The instinct eats us alive, and when we confront our partners about it, they either assure us that everything is fine or place the blame on us complaining that we’re being obsessive. Why do we believe them? Because cheaters tend to be naturally good liars.

THE BACKSTORY

Duplicity always has a backstory to it. It may be a random text message from an ex, an office meeting with a happy ending, innocent flirting gone wild, peer encouragement or rainy nights with a comfy bed and a phone. The thing is all these scenarios may seem interesting to the wandering mind. But are they really worth it?

According to Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, “Maybe 20% of people who cheat are serial sex fans. They will cheat no matter how good their primary love relationship may be. 80% of people who cheat are not. They're naive. Naive people slide into sexual feelings.”

IT’S A CHOICE

What are the actual reasons behind infidelity? There is the obvious lack of sex or emotional intimacy factor. However, when someone is unfaithful, it is a choice and a disrespectful one at that. There are underlying reasons for this choice.

It may be the upbringing of the person — not having a male role model at home or being brought up in an environment where deceit was normalised.