Parental Guilt And Tips To Best Manage Those Feelings

Feelings of guilt around how we do our parenting are stronger than ever for many people right now. Here, a clinical psychologist in Singapore explains the problems with parental guilt and shares her tips on how to best manage those feelings. (And, with the kids homebound for the holidays again, you’ll definitely want to read her advice!)

- Amy Greenburg

That shame you feel for sticking your toddler on their iPad for hours on end so you can do your day job; that weight you secretly bear from wanting your child back in school as soon as humanly possible; beating yourself up for not having your child FaceTime with Grandma more often? It seems those feelings have been especially rife among mums and dads during the pandemic.

What is parental guilt?

Parental guilt has been around for as long as people have had children. It’s that persistent, gnawing self-reproach that starts the moment your child is born. Inundated with stories and “friendly” advice about what you should and shouldn’t be doing as a parent, you’re in a constant battle with yourself to live up to society’s perfect parent expectations. Of course, this idealisation is unrealistic; but you still keep striving for it, thanks to the constant voice in your head asking, “Where did I go wrong” or “Will my child be damaged because of what I did, or because of what I failed to do?”

Add a global pandemic into the mix, and those guiltridden feelings that have tormented parents throughout the ages have reached new heights. In addition to the immense difficulty of working, parenting, keeping our kids stimulated and entertained, and, in some cases, teaching our children all at the same time, parents face daily decisions around health and safety while worrying about their family’s mental wellbeing round-theclock. Sprinkle in some fears of what others think of us, our parenting choices and our children, and it’s a guaranteed recipe for gut-wrenching guilt.