My Friend, Anxiety

You may not have the condition, but when your loved ones experience it – so do you

- Felicity Bonello

IT’S THE NIGHT BEFORE MY BEST FRIEND’S daughter’s birthday when we get the phone call. She’s having a party at a theme park down the coast, and they’re going to need two cars to get all the kids there. They’ve got two cars; that’s not the problem. The thing is, she needs an extra adult to co-pilot and champion her on the open road; her anxiety means that she doesn’t trust herself to drive alone. Without a second thought, my partner mutters, “Yep, I’ll do it.” It means reshuffling his Saturday plans and those of our kids, but her anxiety is part of our lives now.

The stigmatised condition — and the havoc it can wreak in your life — is both blind and relentless. Anxiety does not discriminate. I’ve lived with it for close to two decades; it’s not within me but, for my friend, it’s a daily battle. We were 13 when we first met, and I’ll never forget that first day of high school; standing on the steps to the assembly hall, sizing each other up, we both knew it was “friendship on”. We were different to one another, for sure. But somehow I knew from the start that this girl, with her restless fearlessness and a twinkle in her eye, would go on to be a mate for life.

Anxiety struck when she was 23 and travelling abroad. What should’ve been the time of her life was the start of a nightmare. And even though anxiety hasn’t left her housebound or slumped in corners, bereft (she’s actually become an incredible businesswoman with a holistic approach to business acumen) there’s no denying her anxiety has held her back. At times, she’s felt gaslighted by the world, pressured to claim good health, push herself beyond the limits; when really, frustrating as it is, her condition has prevented her from making certain career moves.