ARE YOU PASSIONATE? IF SO, THE SAME FIRE YOU BRING TO the bedroom could backfire when you fight with your lover. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s the way we deal with anger that becomes the issue,&rdquo; says Gloria Rodriguez, a Puerto Rican life coach and psychology professor at Bronx Community College. &ldquo;When we get angry at another person, it&rsquo;s never just about the other person. It&rsquo;s about us and how our anger is triggering an older hurt [caused by someone in our past] that&rsquo;s much more tender and fragile.&rdquo; This is true for both parties to the argument&mdash;especially when one side tries to heap blame on the other. Once you recognize this, you can begin to take control of your actions for the beer&mdash;using these coping tips that correspond to your communication style.THE SHORT FUSEFly off the handle when the slightest thing goes wrong? That unhealthy defense mechanism can cause extra tension. &ldquo;When you bring anger into an angry situation, it&rsquo;s counterproductive to communication and resolution,&rdquo; Rodriguez says.Your Fix: If an argument&rsquo;s brewing, put yourself in a &ldquo;time-out&rdquo; to calm down. &ldquo;Address the anger immediately, explaining to your partner that you&rsquo;re upset and need to remove yourself from the situation to de-escalate it,&rdquo; she says. &ldquo;Go for a walk or into another room to collect your thoughts.&rdquo; Take a few deep breaths and repeat a calming mantra. Staying in this headspace makes it easier to acknowledge what&rsquo;s triggering you&mdash;and to actually hear what your partner is saying.THE SULKERWhen you get mad, the silent treatment is your MO. Many women default to passive-aggressive behavior, probably because as children they were trained to be &ldquo;seen and not heard.&rdquo; &ldquo;When you stop speaking to a person or purposely don&rsquo;t tell them something important, you completely devalue the &lsquo;we&rsquo; in a relationship,&rdquo; Rodriguez says. Moreover, you deserve to speak freely about your feelings.Your Fix: Start journaling, stat, to connect with your emotions. &ldquo;Try writing a letter to your angry self, asking yourself what you&rsquo;re feeling and why,&rdquo; Rodriguez suggests. It&rsquo;s also a good idea to have a support system of friends with whom you can discuss your thoughts and not be judged. An open dialogue with your inner circle can make you more comfortable when it comes time to address your partner.THE CRYBABYAs long as you&rsquo;re tearing up for a legitimate reason during a disagreement and not for the sake of being dramatic, go for it. &ldquo;Crying is a natural way to de-escalate anger and release deep-rooted emotions of hurt, vulnerability, and tenderness,&rdquo; says Rodriguez.Your Fix: As kids, we all learned to cry to cope, but it&rsquo;s important to not let your inner child run amok in your adult relationships. There&rsquo;s a difference between bawling uncontrollably and sobbing with a purpose. &ldquo;Cry, but also talk and breathe,&rdquo; says Rodriguez. &ldquo;Tears are an opportunity to pause as a couple and ask deeper questions about what the person is really feeling and wants you to know.&rdquo;

Boiling Points

How You Argue Could Be Undermining Your Relationship

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